Author Archives: Awkward-Reality
To think that I have lain outside to watch the golden sun swept hues of the days twilight hours which such loving memories that evoke the internal warmth that suffuses my limbs with such a sweet sense of fulfillment as I wait for the fiery sparks of the celestials to appear to me with their light. And with the failing grasp of days ethereal light, the heavens shine down upon me and their sublime reality sets my soul ablaze as I turn my thoughts toward you.
In those thoughts with the peace of the heavens overlooking I slumber in this mortal coil, yet in my sleep my soul awakens and goes in search of you. I soar into the velvet sky laden with the morning’s coming dew, searching high and low, seeking to and fro until I find that timeless angel whom I have loved countless lifetimes throughout eternity, my dear that soul is you.
As quaint and abstract as this may sound, your companionship and intimacy of sharing your thoughts with me drives me to my most wanton passionate thralls that do froth flame as from a rupturing volcano. Yet all these words I must say sound hollow next to the depth and breadth of how deep this feeling is, for with your merest touch you have weld my passion and love in such a way one cannot see where one begins and the other ends.
I question again that passionate love that burns in my chest a thousand times brighter and hotter than the sun. I ponder it long into the night until the break of day when the sun comes to sing its siren sound of slumber to my soul’s succor. So I wake in misery not finding you in my arms and gather my soul’s sweet recollections of you deep within my subconscious while my spirit drowns an eye in remorse for the pain caused to both my soul and flesh for their want of you.
Oh and how I want you and long to stare into the depths of your eyes and ponder the mysteries I might find in them so that in that union as our eyes search the other’s depths therein we might breech the river of sorrow and cross into the paradise of each other and fill our lungs with the breath of contented sighs as we pant skin to skin, inside and around each other as one. Legs entwined, bodies supine, arches in each others spine, kissing and loving and slowly caressing, grasping and holding, gasping and moaning until a new day is dawn and all our strength is gone. But until such a day as this comes to pass I breathily sigh in morose recumbence as I stare blankly ahead and daydream of you.
So the other day I had to take my son to the Dr’s office for him to get his vaccinations and flu shot. I think he knew what was going down as he clung to my leg like velcro and looked up at me with those green eyes as if to say, “Don’t let them get me!”
When they got the shots ready I laid him on the table and as he started crying, I felt as if I had betrayed him even though I knew I was trying to protect him. I hurt because he hurt. Through his tears I could see him saying, “Et tu, Da-dee?” The sweet innocence of his cries birthed new compassions in my heart for him. After he had his shots the only way I could get him to calm down was to place him on my shoulder and sing Jesus loves you as I slowly rocked him and rubbed his back with a comforting hand. Yet even through his tears and sniffling sobs my little boy still managed to blow a kiss to the woman who just gave him those shots, the thought never occurring to him to be anything less than kind. Oh to return to the innocence we once had before we were taught to be angry at others, but instead love them with forgiveness.
I think that sometimes God vaccinates us through different trials to prepare us for what he knows is coming and it is hard for Him to watch us suffer yet after it is over He holds us in his arms and sings to us in a soft voice, “I’ll have no other, for I love you only, I’ll never forsake you or leave you alone. Here in my heart, you’ll always be, at rest in the precious love, I have for you.”
Yesterday is a day I will never forget as it had been raining when I left out to run errands. I remember the big fat droplets hitting my head and running down my face into my eyes, making my hair slick and soaking my shirt immediately. That’s just coastal weather though. I normally run to my truck when it is like this and never think a thing about it but for some reason I chose to walk. As I walked I noticed a little boy that couldn’t have been more than four years old playing in a puddle in the street. I paused under a tree where it was a little dryer as I stood watching the little boy. One of those brief moments in time that caused me to remember that I use to do the same thing splashing every puddle I could find dry when I was his age. I wondered briefly if it was my place to shoo him off the busy street, and as I sat there in indecision I heard a car engine roaring as it accelerated down the road. Taking my eyes off the little boy I saw the car speeding down the lane the boy was in. I knew what was coming, but it was like a train wreck I couldn’t take my eyes off of as I heard the roar of the engine growing closer. Finally I managed to tear my eyes off the car and turned to look back at the boy, our eyes meeting for a brief instant and I saw something in his baby blue eyes that pulled at my heart, a split second before the boy was slammed under the tires of the car to the thunderous noise of tires sliding across the wet pavement in an attempt to stop. The boy never saw the car coming and never cried out as he lay limp bleeding out in the street. Why didn’t I make an attempt to save him? I watched numbly as the car sped off and the body of the boy lay twisted in unnatural angles and blood was everywhere. I never moved from the tree I was standing under. My fear immobilized me because I was afraid of offending someone for shooing a child to safety. I could have ran out from the safety of the tree and shoved the boy to safety but I didn’t to my horror. Looking back I keep asking myself over and over again why couldn’t I have moved???
Now before you go judging me too harshly, the above story is a fictitious one that I contrived in my head to make a point about the reality of what we do spiritually every day. Just as in the story above we sometime watch others remembering what it was like to be playing in sin splashing in the mud. It may be fun at the time but when the fun is over you look down and see the filth all over yourself. That little boy represents a lost soul needing to be saved and so many times we are frozen by what other people would think. We remain frozen in our indecision to share the love of God with someone. The lost soul like the little boy may never see the car coming to take his life, so it falls to you and me as believers to warn others and to give them a chance at choosing a life in God and eternal salvation. Yet our silence breeds missed opportunity to share the love of God.
Wherever you are at is your mission field. Be it your workplace, your kids’ sports game, and even church – that is you mission field. Give your story a happier ending than the fictitious one above.
I have never written to you before, but I really need your advice. I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me.
The usual signs; phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up. My wife has been going out with ‘the girls’ a lot recently although when I ask their names she always says, just some friends from work, you don’t know them.
I try to stay awake and watch for her when she comes home, but I usually fall asleep.
Anyway, I have never broached the subject with my wife. I think deep down I just did not want to know the truth, but last night she went out again and I decided to finally check on her around midnight, I hid in the garage behind my golf clubs so I could get a good view of the whole street when she arrived home from a night out with “the girls.”
When she got out of the car she was buttoning up her blouse, which was open, and she took her panties out of her purse and slipped them on.
It was at that moment, crouching behind my golf clubs, that I noticed a hairline crack where the grip meets the graphite shaft on my Taylor Made 460 driver.
Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the PGA Superstore?
I suspected my husband had been fooling around, and when I confronted him with the evidence he denied everything and said it would never happen again.
Our son writes that he is taking Judo. Why would a boy who was raised in a good Christian home turn against his own?
…. My husband is making sexual advances toward my mother and she has asked me to speak to him because she doesn’t like it. How can I broach the subject without making him mad?
… I caught my son having sex with a guy and I think he might be gay. Is there some way I can find out for sure?
…I feel silly asking this. My husband wants to play a kinky game. He wants to, “break in” on me when i am sleeping. Before this, I am supposed to hide some cash, He then wants to bind and gag me, and make me tell him where the cash is, like a robbery i guess. I am pretty much game for anything but this is way kinky, or is it me? Margie.
I’m concerned my son has a secret girlfriend. My 17 year old son has been very secretive with me lately, recently, he has started to refuse going to church with the family and tonight when I was going through his room I found a magazine with naked men in it. He obviously has a girlfriend he is hiding from me that brought that magazine into my home and I am afraid they’re having intercourse and I am greatly concerned that he is going to get her pregnant. What should I do?
P.s He is not homosexual, we have taught him from the bible and he has learned through our church that is not Gods plan.
Most of these are from Yahoo’s question and Answers section. .
Let me start off by saying, I don’t usually tune in for every episode of the Bachelor. I don’t know why, but watching the subjugation of 25 women doesn’t entertain me enough to dedicate myself to an entire season. And let’s face it, unless you belong to religious cult, there is nothing Real(ality) about a show were 25 women are living peacefully together while dating the same guy. That said, this season was different for me, this season provided me with some entertainment in the form of, Courtney Robertson. Not only did Courtney’s individualism and quick wit keep me tuning in, but the fact that she didn’t care. She was the Honey Badger of the Bachelor this season. Courtney Robertson doesn’t care what we think.
I wanna talk about a few comments that really stuck out for me this season.
Courtney Robertson – “Ben is not the only guy in the world. The spark is there or it’s not”
Emily O’Brien - whispers in question as if she were in a high rising terminal- “Did…uh she.. just say Ben’s.. not the only guy in the world.”
Yes, Emily, that’s exactly what she said.
Did the lights, camera and action give you amnesia? If you ask me, Ben Flajnik, better pick, Courtney Robertson; as she is the only woman in the house that hasn’t lost touch with Reality – as in Real life – reality. If Ben picks, Lindzi Cox, (Lord she’s so quiet, God only knows who she really is) he may lose her when she realizes he’s not the only man outside of the Bachelor-compound. Kasey B, Nicki, and Emily were all cornfuzzeled by Courtney’s recollection of men existing outside of the cult; it was like their reality had been replaced with the polygamist views taught on the Bachelor-compound and they could not recall what life was like before entering the land of fantasy-dates and sister wives. Or sister girlfriends as the case is here. At the mere mention of another mans existence, Kasey B’s eyes-bugged like, Joan Crawford’s, in Mommie Dearest, “More men, why? WHY?” “Because I’m damn crazy that’s why.” O.K, that line was actually Joan. That entire scene had me shaking-my-head for a good 5 minutes. I was like the real life bobble-head version of Pete ‘n Repeat “no-no-no-no-you-di’int”, repeat, “no-no-no-no-you did not.” Followed by me having a lengthy conversation with my TV. “Ben is dating 25 women, and you’re pissed when someone mentions him not being the only man in the world. I hope you ladies are able to shake off that cult mojo, because the only man in the world ain’t gonna pick you.” Apparently, Emily still hasn’t recovered from the bright lights and repeated Ben chants – “Ben is my life, Ben is my world, Ben is my life.” As she revealed at the tell all that she believes Courtney got in her way of a real connection with Ben. Please. It’s not Courtney’s fault that no one gave you a cc: of the compound rules. Did someone tell Emily that we don’t talk poorly about our sister-girlfriends on the compound? NOPE. Honey, if Ben would have had any kind of connection with you, he wouldn’t have shut you down and threatened you when you spoke poorly of his first-wife Courtney. And guess what? The Honey Badger doesn’t care.
At the Tell-All the women really surprised me. Oh, I know what you’re thinking… How could a bunch of insecure women who follow a man around begging for crumbs of his attention surprise me? That’s what you were thinking, Right? Well, I was surprised when Blakeley asked Courtney to apologize for the rude comments she made about her while taping the show. Being used to Blakeley’s passive aggressive eye-rolls and smirks on the show, it was refreshing to see her ask for an apology. But, it wouldn’t take long for Blakeley to return to her passive aggressive behaviors. When the show aired a clip of never-before-seen footage, several of the ladies were caught on camera mocking Blakeley and referring to her as a HO. Blakeley responded to the clip with a hair flip, and a pitiful eye-roll. So, what kind of message is Blakeley sending? “You can call me a ho, but don’t you dare call me a Ho and steal my man, *Eye-Roll*.” I was also a little surprised that one of the girls had tee-shirts made with a peace sign over Courtney’s face. O.K. I’m kidding. The shirts were ‘(Ø) Courtney’ shirts that had Team whatsherface under Courtney’s photo. The shirt didn’t actually say ‘Team whatsherface’; it had the name of a scorned woman beside of team, and placed directly under No-Courtney’s picture. But I don’t remember whatsherface’s name; so, that should give you some insight in to why she felt the need to make tee-shirts in the first place. The shirts should have read, I am jealous of memorable sister-girlfriends. Team Whatsherface.
Maybe you can help me here. I obviously missed something during this season of the Bachelor. In my opinion, calling Blakeley a hooker was the one and only comment I felt viewers should have been harsh on, Courtney Robertson, for saying. I watched Courtney rub her rose(s), and her date(s), in the faces of the other women. But isn’t that Reality? Like, real- reality? How many times have we heard of someone cheating were the mistress calls the wife or girlfriend to rub the affair in her face? Jealousy is ugly, but it’s also normal, and unlike the aforementioned, it should be expected on shows like the Bachelor. So, why are people shocked? Hellifiknow. While dating my husband, his ex called me numerous times, supposedly about their children, but she never passed up an opportunity to tell me something special she shared with my guy; Or she would blurt out some undesirable trait of his that she swore would ruin my life. Of course, I wasn’t the other women, but the two of them had shared something special; so it didn’t surprise me that she would want to hurt me, or hurt him by trying to scare me away. She was hurt. That was the REALITY of the situation.
There is no perfect, I-love-you-even-though-you’re-trying-to-steal-my-man women in reality. Unless, you’re in a religious cult, in which case, the other women are probably your sisters and cousins and you grew up arguing and forgiving anyway. I think it’s natural to have arguments with people you live with. Maybe not with your sisters and cousins over your brother, but hey, it’s a free-world.
There is so much more I could say about the display of ICK on shows like The Bachelor, but…
I will end by saying – There are rumors all over the Interwebs that, Ben Flajnik, proposed to, Courtney Robertson, on the finale of The Bachelor, but has since dumped her due to her behavior on the show. If that’s true, Ben is an imbecile. Living in a house with 24 other women who are fighting for the same mans attention isn’t going to bring out the best in anyone. Courtney was being herself, Dramatized x500 = for effect, I’m sure. To judge Courtney on a situation as unusual as sharing her man with a couple of dozen women is ridiculous.
If Courtney treats friends and family like she did the women on the show… Okay, he should dump her. But by all accounts, she is very kind to non-girlfriends of the guy she is dating. (see how that sounds) He should give her a chance. Unless, like most men on, The Bachelor, he went on the show to have some fantastic dates with 2 dozen women and now he’s just over it. We’ll see.
Update: Courtney Robertson on Cheaterville. Is this some guy she really dated, or some stalker creating problems. Seriously. Stalkers are known to post about people they don’t know on this website. Courtney was upfront with Ben about dating an actor.
While watching the Dr.Phil show Friday, I was both shocked and amazed to see a promo for the Dr.Phil family that will be airing, February, 2nd. If you are an avid follower of this family; like I am, you’ll remember Dr.Phil telling Alexandra that he would never speak to her again, unless, they were both sitting in the lobby of a rehab facility. Guess where Alexandra was sitting in the promo? That’s right boys and girls – In the lobby of a rehab facility. I hope I’m not jumping-the-gun by assuming Alexandra has committed herself to a life of sobriety.
Alex hasn’t tweeted since July, 7th
I’ve been following, Alexandra Harrelson, on twitter for quite sometime now, And the one matter that has irked me like nothing else could is the Alexandra fan club. The undeserved praise was cringe-worthy, and quite frankly begged the question – what is “their” drug of choice. As you may have noticed in blogs past; I am not an Alex-fan, but I am a fan of healthy living. No matter how anyone feels about Alexandra personally; her children need their mother, and I have waited a long time to see this young woman pull herself together. If I am being honest, words cannot describe how happy I am for Alex, and her children. Assuming she admits/commits to rehab(ilitation).
I can’t end without at least mentioning the woman that brings all of the drama
- Erin Stehl, the mother of Alexandra. I have never seen fit to blame Erin for her daughters destructive behavior(s). Alex is an adult and there comes a time in everyone’s life where they must start taking responsibility for their own actions. Besides, it’s not like Alex did not have the entire staff at the Dr.Phil show offering her help and support. Alex and Alex alone refused the help. That said, I could not believe Erin’s comments in the recent promo. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – Erin is extremely vain. Let me see if I can recall Erin’s exact words about seeing her daughter walking the street – “Alex was dirty. She was wearing men’s shoes, they look like she could have pulled them out of the trash.” C’mon Erin, your daughter has been walking the dangerous path of endless sorrow and regret for a long time now. Is her choice of clothing really what shocks you? Really? After Erin spews her concerns about Alexandra’s vagabond apparel, she finally mentions Alex sweating from withdrawals. Perhaps I am out of line for suggesting that Erin is vain. Maybe all mothers would concern themselves with what their 22 year old, homeless, drug addicted daughter is wearing? In any case, I did not write this blog to denounce Erin as a vain woman who seems more distraught over a pair of shoes than she does her daughter dying a slow death. I do, however, hope Erin gets some help before she inadvertently passes the ridiculous burden of “keeping up with the Joneses” off to the grandchildren.
Good luck in Rehab Alex!
It's happened to everyone at least once, some more than others. I'm talking about the moment when you're in an elevated state of rage and the words out of your mouth are sharp enough to draw blood. You start to see red, and your hands shake uncontrollable; You might even have unpredictable bowel movement. The person or people responsible for enraging you are in sight and you're ready to put them on blast, …